#14: Revolving Closets

2 09 2008

The kind of revolving closets bisexuals like isn’t the kind that holds a lot of different outfits. We do tend to have a ton of clothing, as we change our outfits as often as we change our minds, but that’s a topic for another post.

For bisexuals, coming out of the closet is a lifelong process. One day we are in the closet, the next day we are out, and then a week later, we’re back in. The bisexual closet door tends to resemble one of those revolving doors you see absolutely everywhere in Chicago. Depending on who we are dating or just sleeping with at the time, our closet status changes. We try to come out, but then we’re right back in. And then we’re just in the wrong closet. (Anne Coulter? What are you doing in here?) And then we’re open.

Events like National Coming Out Day leave us puzzled. We put on the rainbow boas and the “My Sexual Preference is Safe” pins, but no one believes us. We show up at national Pride events and bump into people who had no idea we are into that kind of thing. Or they embrace us as their allies in gaydom. Until the next month when we’re with someone else. Bisexuals are thought of either either really closeted gay folk or straight people who want to be like LiLo.

The gay community tends to suffer from collective biphobia because we get to dapple our toes in heterosexual privilege. When partnered with someone of a “socially acceptable” gender identity to match ours, we can hold hands, make out, and cuddle without frat boys either becoming erect or wanting to beat us up (or both!). But without wearing a HI I’M BI tee shirt (which I’m sure Urban Outfitters will start selling), we look like a nice, soothing straightie. Back in the closet we go.

While scores of folks have written about biphobia in the gay community, no one writes about biphobia in the straight community. Straight folk are wary of bisexuals. At any moment, we might change our minds and go gay again. And when we do, they scratch their heads and say, “I didn’t think you were serious about that bi thing.” Sure, they’re all about our raging bi pride until we’re actually doing something bisexual, unless it’s hot girl-on-girl gay-for-pay.

We are in a constant process of coming out of the closet because the bisexual idenitity is so fluid. We don’t care what you’re packing in your pant(ie)s, as long as you’re hot. Each time we get involved with someone new, we have to explain to everyone we know that, no, we’re not gay/straight/asexual/confused, we are actually still bisexual. Unless a bisexual is walking hand-in-hand down the street with two people of two different genders, the revolving closet it is.

But hey! We need the room for all our sex toys and S&M gear.

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2 responses

17 09 2008
mar

“gay-for-pay” hahaha I’ve never heard that one before! and p.s. i think that’s a picture of incest.

11 10 2008
#17: National Coming Out Day « stuff bisexuals like

[…] National Coming Out Day 11 10 2008 We already told you about the revolving closet and how bisexuals can never really “come out,” which is why it helps to have […]

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