#6: Sandwiches

28 07 2008

Within a one mile radius of my apartment, there are at least three national chain stores and a handful of independent shops selling sandwiches. Any given day, I ask: do I want toasted (Quizno’s), fresh and crunchy (Subway), or soft and filled with avocado (Jimmy John’s)? There’s just something about the endless variety of what can happen between two slices of bread that bisexuals adore. You never have to munch on the same thing in the same way twice. Not to mention the religious epiphanies possible in your grilled cheese!

But lest this be derailed by exploring the merits of sprouts versus lettuce, multi-grain versus wheat, (to which the seasoned bisexual will reply, Don’t make me choose! I’ll have both!), there’s another kind of sandwich we like: the threesome. Given the possibilities for sandwiches, the sandwich satisfies the bisexual’s need to have the best of both worlds, have one’s Quizno’s and eat it, too.

Rare is the bisexual who has not been involved in a sandwich. The standard fare is one of one’s own gender, one of the opposite gender, but more exotic bisexuals also enjoy same-gender sandwiches and being the odd one out in the sandwich. For newly curious bisexuals, sandwiches are a safe way to explore bisexuality without making the commitment to be a card-carrying fan of Stuff Bisexuals Like. Sandwiches offer the possibility to try out new sex skills on someone of a gender you haven’t fucked yet, and the comfort of the guiding presence of someone already experienced in that. Think of it as a sex apprenticeship.

For more seasoned bisexuals, sandwiches are the perfect way to experiment. More than we already do. A Google (#2) search for threesome sex positions yields a wealth of possibilities for fun. (Once you turn your Safe Search off.) Three guys, three girls, two guys one girl, two girls one guy, basically three of anyone, and you get to access the depths of your creativity. Throw in some toys (strap-on, anyone?) and you’ll never get bored.

As much as we like sandwiches, we don’t like any and every sandwich. The internet is rife with straight couples trying to find their guest star. Any bisexual who openly identifies as such is target to their advances. Just because bisexuals like sandwiches does not mean we want you to ask us to be in yours. It’s considered in poor form to cold-proposition a bisexual for a sandwich. (Unless you see me on the street and want to buy me some Subway. To that I might just be open!) However, if we know you, find you attractive, and haven’t had our fill of your specific combination recently, we might just suggest it ourselves. We just ask you put on your favorite David Bowie (#4) album.

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2 responses

31 07 2008
#7: Unintentional Porn « stuff bisexuals like

[…] porn is because bis are often accused of not having clear intentions, i.e. being indecisive (see Sandwiches). A fag I met at a bar once told me that bisexuals “just can’t make up their minds” and I […]

18 09 2008
#16: Television super-duos « stuff bisexuals like

[…] appeal to bisexuals) falls flat on its face. Not many people wanted to be in a Briscoe and Logan sandwich. (Probably not many people wanted to be in a Grissom and Sidle sandwich […]

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