#19 The Rock?

15 12 2008

Apparently, bisexual men enjoy The Rock. What?

This was overheard by a confused clerk in a Minneapolis record store, while selling a copy of Game Plan.

The movie wasn’t that good. I mean, The Rock is hot, and I can say that, because I’m bisexual.


#18 Sia

9 12 2008

Thanks to Think Pink for the heads up on her music (and for generally being awesome).  We saw the CDs in Starbucks’ racks several months ago, but were very unsure what to make of it because of the cover.  Behold:

If only I were a bonafide GFY girl…anyway;

I’m going to let you read Think Pink’s review of her album and leave you with this, one of my fave songs from her on Hypem today: Electric Bird

This remix of Buttons is pretty fuckin’ fabulous too (better than the CSS Remix), especially for all you desk sitters at the 3:00 PM slump.

#17: National Coming Out Day

11 10 2008

We already told you about the revolving closet and how bisexuals can never really “come out,” which is why it helps to have nationally-recognized days of celebration in order to make our declarations, which are often taken as whimsical asides, really stick. October 11th is National Coming Out Day, where queers in the US come together to make terrible public service announcement videos and wear pink. Oh, and talk about awareness. As evidenced by the official logo,

today is the day we recognize genderless stick figures with Tourett’s syndrome impersonate Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Seriously, what is this about? It’s bad enough that the RAINBOW is the official palette of choice for all parades, potlucks and other media events (try making any rainbow outfit not look like you’ve just graduated from clown college; it’s impossible. Not even Lindsay Lohan can do it, and we LOVE LiLo).

As much as we loathe the rainbow, bisexuals do love any excuse to party and NCOD is just as good a reason as any. “It’s Thursday” is also a good reason. But in addition to the national holiday, we also have cause to celebrate because Connecticut just legalized gay marriage, making it the third state in the U.S. to do so. Only 47 to go! No matter that the US is behind South Africa on this issue, and they just discovered apartheid was maybe a bad idea.  In honor of our country’s progress, we highly suggest you go out with your pink triangles a’blazin’. Make a YouTube video! Craft a sign that says “USGAY” and wear it at the next McCain rally! Start drinking at 10am and don’t stop until the election is over! However you decide to mark the momentous occasion, know that we bisexuals are behind you. Literally. If your LGBT allies can’t give you a reach around, then I don’t know who will.

#2B: Google

27 09 2008

We knew there was more to why bisexuals love Google! Google supports equality and does not support discrimination in marriage, or Proposition 8. Just check out Google’s offical blog:

“9/26/2008 03:23:00 PM

As an Internet company, Google is an active participant in policy debates surrounding information access, technology and energy. Because our company has a great diversity of people and opinions — Democrats and Republicans, conservatives and liberals, all religions and no religion, straight and gay — we do not generally take a position on issues outside of our field, especially not social issues. So when Proposition 8

However, while there are many objections to this proposition — further government encroachment on personal lives, ambiguously written text — it is the chilling and discriminatory effect of the proposition on many of our employees that brings Google to publicly oppose Proposition 8. While we respect the strongly-held beliefs that people have on both sides of this argument, we see this fundamentally as an issue of equality. We hope that California voters will vote no on Proposition 8 — we should not eliminate anyone’s fundamental rights, whatever their sexuality, to marry the person they love. appeared on the California ballot, it was an unlikely question for Google to take an official company position on.”‘

happy (belated) bisexuality day!

24 09 2008

Being the flaky bisexuals that we are, we forgot to mention that September 23 is Celebrate Bisexuality Day. We didn’t know either! So strap on them boots and go tell your favorite  bisexual how much you appreciate them. Or leave it in the comments section and we’ll get the word out to every bisexual in the world. Promise.

More info about the day at BiNet USA and the always irrefutable wikipedia.

#16: Television super-duos

18 09 2008

That holy centerpiece of our lives (the television, what were you thinking?) has brought bisexuals a sacred iconography of bisexualism: the television duo. These days, television is overpopulated with with canned procedurals, one-hour dramas, general Law and Order and CSI spin-offs, and other tawdry mindless entertainment. But what separates a mere duo from a super-duo is mixed gender, sharp wit, sexual tension, and crime and/or generalized problem-solving. The quintissential super-duo is Mulder and Scully from The X-Files. Other super-duos include Bristow and Vaughn, Benson and Stabler, Grissom and Sidle, and Brennan and Booth. That damn Lost show has too many characters to count.

Seriously, who are these people?

What makes a super-duo truly super is the sexual tension. X-Philes hung on for years solely to see if Mulder and Scully would or wouldn’t. This sexual tension provides bisexuals with hours of masturbatory material. Of course, the super-duo has to be mixed gender, and both parties must be attractive. Otherwise, the dynamic (and appeal to bisexuals) falls flat on its face. Not many people wanted to be in a Briscoe and Logan sandwich. (Probably not many people wanted to be in a Grissom and Sidle sandwich either, but goddamn his DILF and her dykish gap-tooth appeal!)

There has to be danger, too, and a mystery to solve. Bisexuals are busy people, what with their brunches to run off to and cowboys to hogtie. You have to get and keep their attention with a compelling storyline. Or at least one with drinking game potential. (Drink every time Benson reminds you of your old therapist.) Sexual tension only sizzles when your super-duo is ten minutes away from death (hello, quickie).

Sharp wit turns a sexy, crime-solving duo into a sexy, crime-solving super-duo. We love our puns and we love our humor that appeals to our sexy brains. Bisexuals are easily bored, so television writers have to work hard to keep our attention. After all, the one we spend watching Bristow bring down government conspiracies is the hour we could be having sex with multiple semi-strangers. Sure, Mulder and Scully could have just talked, but without the wry, sexually-tense banter, it would be just talking.

While television seems to be taken over currently by supposedly smart ensemble shows (I mean you, Lost) and shows about sardonic loner differently-abled mavericks (and I don’t mean John McCain’s forth-coming reality show), there will always be a slot and an audience for television super-duos. At least as long as bisexuals roam the earth.

#15 Brunch

8 09 2008

Brunch exemplifies all things sacred to the savvy bisexual.  The word itself is a portmanteau; a word formed by combining both sounds and meanings from two or more words, thus sating our need to have column A and column B mashed up into a savory and novel column C.  It is a little of breakfast and a little of lunch; thus glorifying our openness to take all the world has to offer and wrap it up with a tidy little noun.  We get to network at brunch with our lover cum artistic collaborator cum cat sitter.  Brunch denies no pleasure, thus allowing us to indulge in our inherent hedonism.

All of that, and we get to be pseudo intellectuals: quoting Oscar Wilde, while drinking before noon! Yes, brunch is any bona fide bi’s favorite way to begin anew after a night long romp.

“Brunch is the meal you eat when you’re too drunk to get up for breakfast.” – Oscar Wilde

The notion of a bisexual having it both ways in the bedroom is standard, but we’d rather the fun not stop there.  If there’s any chance that we can have two favorites at once we’re going to take it, we’re gonna make our dreams come true, we’re doing it our way.  We like breakfast, but we might not be up in time.  We’re fans of lunch, but who has time to drop everything for a luxurious meal of crepes, eggs benedict and mimosas in the middle of the day?  Well sure the French might, but they’re advanced. Being bisexual is practically standard over there!  So in busy, puritan America we have to hunker down and have our both ways at one time.

Brunch also provides a nugget of opportunity to multitask.  While we may look to be simply dining on mixed meats and sweets we are also discussing the current opportunities for dance parties, theater gatherings, or writing projects.  We get to network with like minded insatiables, all while downing vodka in the name of being chic! If we seem excited it’s because we are! Brunch, people, it’s fantastic!

Not only can we plan our next yoga class/drinking session/book club during brunch, but we can be pseudo intellectuals while we’re at it.  Something about the word and idea behind brunch makes it just pretensious enough for us to languish in our role playing skills and banter about modern jackassery, like the fact that Oscar Wilde liked brunch.  Or there’s this impressive sounding tidbit, in France the actual policy is to say le grand petit déjeuner, or “big little lunch”, in order to keep Angloisms from soiling the language.

Not only is brunch for bisexuals, but for assholes, and that’s a good thing!  We need able bodied patrons at the table two over to amuse us while we snort into our bellinis and try to think up more examples of a portmanteau.