#9: Meeting People Online

Since the dawn of the internet, since a complex of integrated computer systems sprung from the skull of Al Gore, people have been using this mysterious force for the purpose of what people do best: fuck, I mean, meet. Many groups of people enjoy the wonders of the internet (also known as teh intarwebz if you read too many macros) for various purposes. It is hardly the sole domain of bisexuals. Some groups also use the internet to network, but none do it with the flair and moxie of bisexuals.

Back in the day, this form of social networking was seen as dangerous, antisocial, or just plain weird, but bisexuals everywhere laughed in the face of social convention (what’s new?) and set forth into this brave new world. In the early days of meeting people online, I remember Oprah doing a show on a woman who met someone she thought was a man online and proceeded to marry him, only to discover he was actually a woman. This put the fear of the internet into the hearts of many straight folk everywhere, but not bisexuals. Hell, bisexuals failed to see the negative in this situation. Gender-bending spouse? Sign us up!

Bisexuals are all over networking sites like MySpace and Facebook, but we can also be found looking for friends and sex partners (“gender unimportant”) on Craig’s List. The first two allow us to change our orientation and what we’re looking for with a click of a drop-down menu. The latter is a sea of endless possibilities involving combinations of M and W.  Whether looking for a new friend or the love of our lives, we can easily surf the ‘net without interrupting our search for unintentional porn (#7) or stories about gay sea urchins (#5), thus maximizing our multitasking (#8) super powers. When looking for that light of our lives, we turn to True and eHarmony. Heh, just kidding about that last one.

No discussion of bisexuals and meeting people online can be complete without mentioning the Mecca of all bisexualitydom: OKCupid. This is one place where straight people are in the minority. Such a networking website couldn’t be more bi-friendly. With the option to search for guys and girls who like our gender, we could spend months combing this site for new friends. (Er, next up on SBL: when everyone knows everyone on OKC and the hilarious, triumphant, tragic outcomes.)  Practically everyone on this site is bisexual, kinky, polyamorous, and trolling for new acquaintances. But the kinksters, poly folk, and trolls need to get their own damn Stuff ______ Like blogs. With all the quizzes, questions, and tests on OKC, we bisexuals can thoroughly stalk our soon-to-be new friends before we even message them. Are you an Outrageous Polydactyl Madonna? Great! I’m a Simpering Hedgehog!

We love to gchat and text our new friends. We love to meet them for a game of Scrabble or perhaps some nachos and a whiskey at some shitty Irish theme bar. We love to discuss our new friends with our old friends, who we probably also met online. We love exchanging emails and discussing each other’s profiles and profile pictures. We just love meeting people online.

#6: Sandwiches

Within a one mile radius of my apartment, there are at least three national chain stores and a handful of independent shops selling sandwiches. Any given day, I ask: do I want toasted (Quizno’s), fresh and crunchy (Subway), or soft and filled with avocado (Jimmy John’s)? There’s just something about the endless variety of what can happen between two slices of bread that bisexuals adore. You never have to munch on the same thing in the same way twice. Not to mention the religious epiphanies possible in your grilled cheese!

But lest this be derailed by exploring the merits of sprouts versus lettuce, multi-grain versus wheat, (to which the seasoned bisexual will reply, Don’t make me choose! I’ll have both!), there’s another kind of sandwich we like: the threesome. Given the possibilities for sandwiches, the sandwich satisfies the bisexual’s need to have the best of both worlds, have one’s Quizno’s and eat it, too.

Rare is the bisexual who has not been involved in a sandwich. The standard fare is one of one’s own gender, one of the opposite gender, but more exotic bisexuals also enjoy same-gender sandwiches and being the odd one out in the sandwich. For newly curious bisexuals, sandwiches are a safe way to explore bisexuality without making the commitment to be a card-carrying fan of Stuff Bisexuals Like. Sandwiches offer the possibility to try out new sex skills on someone of a gender you haven’t fucked yet, and the comfort of the guiding presence of someone already experienced in that. Think of it as a sex apprenticeship.

For more seasoned bisexuals, sandwiches are the perfect way to experiment. More than we already do. A Google (#2) search for threesome sex positions yields a wealth of possibilities for fun. (Once you turn your Safe Search off.) Three guys, three girls, two guys one girl, two girls one guy, basically three of anyone, and you get to access the depths of your creativity. Throw in some toys (strap-on, anyone?) and you’ll never get bored.

As much as we like sandwiches, we don’t like any and every sandwich. The internet is rife with straight couples trying to find their guest star. Any bisexual who openly identifies as such is target to their advances. Just because bisexuals like sandwiches does not mean we want you to ask us to be in yours. It’s considered in poor form to cold-proposition a bisexual for a sandwich. (Unless you see me on the street and want to buy me some Subway. To that I might just be open!) However, if we know you, find you attractive, and haven’t had our fill of your specific combination recently, we might just suggest it ourselves. We just ask you put on your favorite David Bowie (#4) album.