Did you know Google will plan your next trip on public transportation accurately within five minutes? How about that Google allows you to search top academic databases without needing a university affiliation? Or that Google can text you defintions? Hell, Gmail powers the email account that lets me onto this blog. I frequently talk about Google anthropomorphically as in, “Well, Google told me I can be there in ten minutes”, or, “I’ll have to ask Google for the real statistics on that.”
I suspect that were Google really a person, Google would be bisexual. Which is why we love it. The infinite possibilites for experience available at your fingertips with Google mimicks the yearn of the bisexual. Google does it all. (Sound familiar?) And Google does it in such a clean, efficient way. Google’s page isn’t messy and distracting like Yahoo. Google gives you exactly what you want at that moment in time. It supports the frequency with which you may change your mind. Want your iheartmuff@gmail.com to send email from your penisiskeenest@gmail.com? Google will do it. (And god, I hope that’s no one’s email. Please don’t try it, bisexuals. I know you want to try anything once.)
Using Google to research this blog, I discovered that Google itself has a group of employees it proudly supports called the Gayglers. Not only does Google support its bisexual staff, it does so with a pun (see #1).
Google, when it’s legal here, will you marry me? If I’m still into that?
