#2B: Google

We knew there was more to why bisexuals love Google! Google supports equality and does not support discrimination in marriage, or Proposition 8. Just check out Google’s offical blog:

“9/26/2008 03:23:00 PM

As an Internet company, Google is an active participant in policy debates surrounding information access, technology and energy. Because our company has a great diversity of people and opinions — Democrats and Republicans, conservatives and liberals, all religions and no religion, straight and gay — we do not generally take a position on issues outside of our field, especially not social issues. So when Proposition 8

However, while there are many objections to this proposition — further government encroachment on personal lives, ambiguously written text — it is the chilling and discriminatory effect of the proposition on many of our employees that brings Google to publicly oppose Proposition 8. While we respect the strongly-held beliefs that people have on both sides of this argument, we see this fundamentally as an issue of equality. We hope that California voters will vote no on Proposition 8 — we should not eliminate anyone’s fundamental rights, whatever their sexuality, to marry the person they love. appeared on the California ballot, it was an unlikely question for Google to take an official company position on.”‘

happy (belated) bisexuality day!

Being the flaky bisexuals that we are, we forgot to mention that September 23 is Celebrate Bisexuality Day. We didn’t know either! So strap on them boots and go tell your favorite  bisexual how much you appreciate them. Or leave it in the comments section and we’ll get the word out to every bisexual in the world. Promise.

More info about the day at BiNet USA and the always irrefutable wikipedia.

#16: Television super-duos

That holy centerpiece of our lives (the television, what were you thinking?) has brought bisexuals a sacred iconography of bisexualism: the television duo. These days, television is overpopulated with with canned procedurals, one-hour dramas, general Law and Order and CSI spin-offs, and other tawdry mindless entertainment. But what separates a mere duo from a super-duo is mixed gender, sharp wit, sexual tension, and crime and/or generalized problem-solving. The quintissential super-duo is Mulder and Scully from The X-Files. Other super-duos include Bristow and Vaughn, Benson and Stabler, Grissom and Sidle, and Brennan and Booth. That damn Lost show has too many characters to count.

Seriously, who are these people?

What makes a super-duo truly super is the sexual tension. X-Philes hung on for years solely to see if Mulder and Scully would or wouldn’t. This sexual tension provides bisexuals with hours of masturbatory material. Of course, the super-duo has to be mixed gender, and both parties must be attractive. Otherwise, the dynamic (and appeal to bisexuals) falls flat on its face. Not many people wanted to be in a Briscoe and Logan sandwich. (Probably not many people wanted to be in a Grissom and Sidle sandwich either, but goddamn his DILF and her dykish gap-tooth appeal!)

There has to be danger, too, and a mystery to solve. Bisexuals are busy people, what with their brunches to run off to and cowboys to hogtie. You have to get and keep their attention with a compelling storyline. Or at least one with drinking game potential. (Drink every time Benson reminds you of your old therapist.) Sexual tension only sizzles when your super-duo is ten minutes away from death (hello, quickie).

Sharp wit turns a sexy, crime-solving duo into a sexy, crime-solving super-duo. We love our puns and we love our humor that appeals to our sexy brains. Bisexuals are easily bored, so television writers have to work hard to keep our attention. After all, the one we spend watching Bristow bring down government conspiracies is the hour we could be having sex with multiple semi-strangers. Sure, Mulder and Scully could have just talked, but without the wry, sexually-tense banter, it would be just talking.

While television seems to be taken over currently by supposedly smart ensemble shows (I mean you, Lost) and shows about sardonic loner differently-abled mavericks (and I don’t mean John McCain’s forth-coming reality show), there will always be a slot and an audience for television super-duos. At least as long as bisexuals roam the earth.

#15 Brunch

Brunch exemplifies all things sacred to the savvy bisexual.  The word itself is a portmanteau; a word formed by combining both sounds and meanings from two or more words, thus sating our need to have column A and column B mashed up into a savory and novel column C.  It is a little of breakfast and a little of lunch; thus glorifying our openness to take all the world has to offer and wrap it up with a tidy little noun.  We get to network at brunch with our lover cum artistic collaborator cum cat sitter.  Brunch denies no pleasure, thus allowing us to indulge in our inherent hedonism.

All of that, and we get to be pseudo intellectuals: quoting Oscar Wilde, while drinking before noon! Yes, brunch is any bona fide bi’s favorite way to begin anew after a night long romp.

“Brunch is the meal you eat when you’re too drunk to get up for breakfast.” – Oscar Wilde

The notion of a bisexual having it both ways in the bedroom is standard, but we’d rather the fun not stop there.  If there’s any chance that we can have two favorites at once we’re going to take it, we’re gonna make our dreams come true, we’re doing it our way.  We like breakfast, but we might not be up in time.  We’re fans of lunch, but who has time to drop everything for a luxurious meal of crepes, eggs benedict and mimosas in the middle of the day?  Well sure the French might, but they’re advanced. Being bisexual is practically standard over there!  So in busy, puritan America we have to hunker down and have our both ways at one time.

Brunch also provides a nugget of opportunity to multitask.  While we may look to be simply dining on mixed meats and sweets we are also discussing the current opportunities for dance parties, theater gatherings, or writing projects.  We get to network with like minded insatiables, all while downing vodka in the name of being chic! If we seem excited it’s because we are! Brunch, people, it’s fantastic!

Not only can we plan our next yoga class/drinking session/book club during brunch, but we can be pseudo intellectuals while we’re at it.  Something about the word and idea behind brunch makes it just pretensious enough for us to languish in our role playing skills and banter about modern jackassery, like the fact that Oscar Wilde liked brunch.  Or there’s this impressive sounding tidbit, in France the actual policy is to say le grand petit déjeuner, or “big little lunch”, in order to keep Angloisms from soiling the language.

Not only is brunch for bisexuals, but for assholes, and that’s a good thing!  We need able bodied patrons at the table two over to amuse us while we snort into our bellinis and try to think up more examples of a portmanteau.

#14: Revolving Closets

The kind of revolving closets bisexuals like isn’t the kind that holds a lot of different outfits. We do tend to have a ton of clothing, as we change our outfits as often as we change our minds, but that’s a topic for another post.

For bisexuals, coming out of the closet is a lifelong process. One day we are in the closet, the next day we are out, and then a week later, we’re back in. The bisexual closet door tends to resemble one of those revolving doors you see absolutely everywhere in Chicago. Depending on who we are dating or just sleeping with at the time, our closet status changes. We try to come out, but then we’re right back in. And then we’re just in the wrong closet. (Anne Coulter? What are you doing in here?) And then we’re open.

Events like National Coming Out Day leave us puzzled. We put on the rainbow boas and the “My Sexual Preference is Safe” pins, but no one believes us. We show up at national Pride events and bump into people who had no idea we are into that kind of thing. Or they embrace us as their allies in gaydom. Until the next month when we’re with someone else. Bisexuals are thought of either either really closeted gay folk or straight people who want to be like LiLo.

The gay community tends to suffer from collective biphobia because we get to dapple our toes in heterosexual privilege. When partnered with someone of a “socially acceptable” gender identity to match ours, we can hold hands, make out, and cuddle without frat boys either becoming erect or wanting to beat us up (or both!). But without wearing a HI I’M BI tee shirt (which I’m sure Urban Outfitters will start selling), we look like a nice, soothing straightie. Back in the closet we go.

While scores of folks have written about biphobia in the gay community, no one writes about biphobia in the straight community. Straight folk are wary of bisexuals. At any moment, we might change our minds and go gay again. And when we do, they scratch their heads and say, “I didn’t think you were serious about that bi thing.” Sure, they’re all about our raging bi pride until we’re actually doing something bisexual, unless it’s hot girl-on-girl gay-for-pay.

We are in a constant process of coming out of the closet because the bisexual idenitity is so fluid. We don’t care what you’re packing in your pant(ie)s, as long as you’re hot. Each time we get involved with someone new, we have to explain to everyone we know that, no, we’re not gay/straight/asexual/confused, we are actually still bisexual. Unless a bisexual is walking hand-in-hand down the street with two people of two different genders, the revolving closet it is.

But hey! We need the room for all our sex toys and S&M gear.